(no subject)

[thescarletspeedster]

The breach has been open for two weeks, and many bodies have passed through it, but none with more electric speed than the man who created it.

The portal whirls, its edges trembling almost like an animal's reaction to a pleasant touch, spinning harder until the emptiness within its middle parts and a bolt of lightning flies through. The crackle of yellow sparks resolve into a man, or at least, the form of one. His edges are blurred, at times one man, at times two, and all their hands are up, cradling his face as if in pain.

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[triskehale]

Derek looks over at Barry and swallows hard, letting his gaze drift along the familiar sight of Barry in his bed. Part of him wants to shake it off, bottle up what he's feeling and hide it. It's how he lived for years, but in his years here he's come to learn just how unhealthy it was to let all that emotion fester.

Anger used to be his anchor, and now it's Barry. Maybe that's why he felt so adrift these past weeks. Even though it's easier to want to talk now, the words still take some time to form. He blinks and then rolls onto his side to look at Barry.

"No," he says quietly, letting his palm glide along the cool sheets between them as his brows furrow and he doesn't quite meet Barry's eyes. "It's just-- you kept yourself from me for weeks. I guess that I just didn't want to assume that you wanted me in all the same ways that you did before. I-- I don't know what's changed, if anything."

It feels a little pathetic, but he's still glad that he actually said it. He didn't let it fester like the younger, foolish version of him would have. "I guess I'm just... confused. Afraid, maybe."

[thescarletspeedster]

Derek looks somewhere just past Barry as he speaks, and the cold feeling in Barry's middle grows, even as his traitorous eyes go hot again. He's so sorry, and he's said it so many times, but he knows he'll say it more because it's not enough. Nothing could ever be enough when he's made a man as good as Derek feel so low.

"I do," he says, his voice cracking, "Still, always, God, I - " Barry breaks off, drawing up his knees. "I know I didn't do any of this the right way, I just wanted to go home, but always with you. I didn't mean to ruin what we have. It's the - " Barry's voice hitches. "It's the best thing I have in either world."

[triskehale]

Barry practically curls in on himself, and Derek feels like scum. He hates himself in that moment for causing Barry another second of pain, and he swallows hard as he closes the distance between them. He puts his hands on Barry's cheeks and wipes his thumbs gently under his eyes, feeling his own sting and go blurry with wetness.

"You didn't ruin anything," Derek assures him, shaking his head and leaning in to press a trembling kiss to Barry's forehead. His words ring with truth and Derek hates that he ever doubted this, even for a second. He hates the voice in his head that tells him that he isn't enough, that he'll never be enough. He hates himself for making Barry cry.

"I'm right here. You didn't ruin it," Derek says again, wrapping his arm around Barry's shoulders and pulling him close. Both of their cheeks are wet and Derek kisses him anyway, firmly yet still gentle as he presses their lips together. "I love you," Derek murmurs against his mouth. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to-- I love you so much, Barry."

[thescarletspeedster]

"Don't apologize," Barry says, clinging to Derek when he closes the distance between them. He tries to kiss Derek back, but he knows it must be awful, and the words won't stop tumbling from his mouth. "I did it, I did all of it, I hurt you, don't be sorry."

He wraps his arms around Derek, fingers curling against his back. More than anything, more than the right version of Darrow and the cabin it's this that's home, Derek's warm skin beneath his hands, and Barry never meant to make him doubt. "I love you, I'm sorry."

[triskehale]

"I forgive you. I just-- I don't want you to leave me," Derek rasps out, squeezing his eyes shut to blink away the tears. It's selfish and awful but he just wants to be enough for Barry. He never wants to be without him. "I was just scared, but it's okay. It's all going to be okay."

Barry clings to him and Derek holds him right back, ashamed that he doubted this closeness for even a second. They're meant to be tangled up like this, pressed together with no space between them. Barry is holding into him like Derek is everything that he needs, and maybe in this moment that's true. Right now they just need each other, and Derek lets out a breath when he feels Barry's hummingbird heart thrumming against his chest. Derek presses their foreheads together and clutches the back of Barry's neck. Derek's fingers tangle in the leather cord of Barry's necklace, which he obviously wore through the whole ordeal. Derek was always with him in some way, just like Barry was always with him. "We're still pack. We're still a team. I still love you, hummingbird. I won't ever stop."

He pulls back just enough to look into Barry's eyes. They're still wet and full of pain, and Derek cups his cheek, stroking the arch of it gently with his thumb. "I'm yours, remember? No way in hell you're getting rid of me that easily."

[thescarletspeedster]

Barry nods, squeezing his eyes closed to dispel the last of the moisture from them as he begins to relax into Derek's embrace. Derek's fingers are in the cord of his necklace, and Barry's find the leather around Derek's own neck. He must not have taken it off either, and Barry exhales, feeling a part of him settle.

"I'll never want to leave you," he promises, and if he felt better he'd probably joke that tearing a hole in reality probably isn't the easiest way of getting rid of someone, but humor is the furthest thing from his mind. Now it's only Derek, here and whole and hurting for so long. Barry turns his cheek against Derek's palm. "How do I make it better?"

[triskehale]

"Barry, don't think that you owe me anything," Derek tells him gently. Barry has enough to deal with, and Derek doesn't want him thinking that there's some sort of deby to be paid, or that he has to work to earn Derek's forgiveness. "You're here, so it's already better. That's all I need-- you here and in one piece."

Derek lets out a breath and pulls the covers up over them, surrounding them with warmth as Derek slides his fingers up into Barry's soft hair. He brushes their noses together and kisses him again, letting the press of his lips linger before pulling back to look at him. Now that Derek voiced his doubts, he knows how ridiculous they were. He's glad to have gotten it out of the way so quickly, so they can both focus on healing and figuring out a way to close the breach.

"I love you, Barry," he says quietly, letting out a breath as he finally starts to relax. "It's like you said. You're the best thing that I have. And I just want you to let me keep on having you."

[thescarletspeedster]

Derek pulls up the covers, and Barry relaxes against him as if his strings have been cut, tucking his head down just where he'd been hoping for. Derek's fingers in his hair are soothing, and Barry feels his exhaustion encroach once again, all his limbs lead filled and his eyelids, too.

"I will. I want you," he says, moving his chin against Derek's chest as he burrows in. "Just you. Love you, Derek."

[triskehale]

It's obvious how tired Barry is, and Derek isn't far behind. He shifts so that Barry can drape across his chest, and Derek feels like he can finally breathe now that he's under that comfortable, familiar weight.

"Thank you for coming home," he says quietly, sliding his hand up and down Barry's back. "Get some sleep. I'll be right here."