(no subject)

[thescarletspeedster]

Barry groans, but he figures he can't put this off any longer. He's been sobered from his musical madness since early evening yesterday, and though he knows he needs to apologize, this morning is the first time he's been brave enough to try.

Sitting up in bed, Barry leaves the sheets where they are, turning on his video recorder on his phone still in the safe confines of his blanket tent. "Um, hey," he says, staring at the screen with haunted eyes. "So, I know yesterday was kind of...a lot?" Barry swallows. "I saw on the news that a bunch of people had some kind of tainted chocolate intoxication, I can only assume I was one of them because I would never - "

Barry draws a deep breath. "I would never sing and dance like that willingly. I mean, unless you really wanted me to, then of course I'd try, but I'm getting the feeling you don't really...have that inclination. So I'm sorry for forcing it on you. And."

Barry hits pause, running his hand through his hair while he waits out the heat in his cheeks, but it doesn't seem like his blush is fading any time soon. "I'd still really like to go out tonight," he says, hitting record again. "If you don't, I won't blame you like, at all, but I promise not to sing at you, or to you, or to anyone ever, possibly ever again. So."

Barry stares into the camera. "Text me if you're still up for it. Um. Bye."

Drawing a breath, Barry sends the video to Derek and resumes hiding in bed.

Comments

[thescarletspeedster]

"Yeah," Barry breathes. He thinks it would have taken him longer to put it into those words - a large man like Derek doesn't exactly inspire the word gentle on first glance - but now that he sees it, it's obvious. "I felt safe with you right from the start. Even before you took my pain."

Barry smiles and laces their fingers together. Some people are just good, and nothing they do or have done to them can dim that. It's an admirable quality, and a rare one, at that. Unsure whether it's too soon, Barry fights the sudden urge to lean over and kiss Derek, making himself look around at the blanket instead.

"You really spend a lot of time out here, don't you?"

[triskehale]

"Really?" Derek asks quietly, sounding surprised and confused and pleased all at once. He's done a lot of bad things, and gotten a lot of people hurt or worse, but all he's ever wanted was to be a good person. He wants to be like his mother, even just a little bit.

"When I was about five and my strength really started to manifest, I kept breaking things on accident. I broke my toys, and one of the kitchen chairs. I was afraid to touch anyone," Derek blurts, baffled by how easily the intensely personal story is falling from his lips. "My infant cousin was human, and I was just-- I refused to touch him."

He looks at Barry's hand in his own, listens to the flutter of his heart, and keeps talking. "One day my mom found me and put a baby bird that she had found in my hands. I was so sure that I would just crush it, but I didn't. I held it all day until it was strong enough to fly away."

Derek aches at the memory, swallowing hard and sliding his thumb across the back of Barry's hand. "She knew I wouldn't, and she wanted to show me what she saw in me. I-- I've always wanted to be like her. She was the strongest wolf I ever knew, but also the kindest person."

He looks up in time to see Barry staring at him, and for a moment Derek thinks that maybe they're about to kiss. Barry pulls away, and Derek finds that he isn't even disappointed. It just wasn't the right moment. Derek never really thought he'd get a right moment again, so he's willing to wait for it.

"Uh, yeah," he says, blinking down at the blanket. He feels a little scraped raw, like his chest was hollowed out. He's never told anyone that story, but he doesn't regret it. People should know who Talia was. He clears his throat and sits down, tugging Barry down gently by his hand. "It's pretty much the farthest away from the actual city that you can get. I like it up here, like this and as a wolf."

[thescarletspeedster]

Settling next to Derek on the blanket, Barry pushes his fingers through Derek's hair, even though it needs no straightening. His own heart aches, for Derek's obvious love, for his loss, the pain he always feels for his own mother echoing in his breast. He leans in and does kiss Derek after all, chaste and sweet on his bearded cheek.

"Smart woman," he says, for a mother can see what her children can't. Barry's mother had known him even when he suddenly appeared to her twenty years older - of course Derek's own had seen the kindness in him at once. "I'm really sorry you lost her, Derek. The world would've been a better place if she could have stayed in it longer. But for what it's worth," he adds, looking down at the blanket. "I can see the person she was in you."

[triskehale]

Barry's lips are soft and warm against Derek's cheek, and it's soothing and thrilling all at once. Barry means every word that he says, heart beating steadily, and Derek's throat tightens the slightest bit. He busies himself with extending a claw and slicing open the bag of Reese's, retracting it again as he digs two out of the bag.

"Our mothers probably would have gotten along really well," Derek offers, holding out of the candies out to Barry. He doesn't know much about Barry's mother, but she made a person like Barry, and helped shaped him into someone so kind. Derek feels grateful to her, wherever she may be. "Your mom would probably really proud of you, you know?"

He smiles and unwraps his candy, popping it into his mouth before putting the wrapper back into the bag. A cool breeze sweeps in off the ocean, ruffling their hair, and Derek slides an arm around Barry's shoulders to draw him in against his side. "I hope that it isn't too cold up here for you."

But Barry feels warm against him, and Derek slides his hand down Barry's side to curl it around his hip. He doesn't really think that he needs an excuse to hold Barry close at this point, but keeping him warm isn't a bad one.

[thescarletspeedster]

Barry takes the candy, but his throat feels too tight to eat it just yet. He leans into Derek gratefully when he offers his arm, shaking his head for the cold comment. He soaks in Derek's warmth for a long moment, warring with himself over what he says next. He could have saved her. He knows that, and he even knows why he didn't, but it will always feel like the wrong choice.

"I saw her," he says eventually. "About half a year or so before I came here. I ran back in time to save my mom." Barry swallows, glad that his cheek is tucked against Derek's shoulder where he can't see his face. "But she died anyway. I got to hold her, though. She wasn't alone this time."

[triskehale]

Derek's breath catches at the words, and the peanut butter suddenly tastes like chalk on his tongue. He imagines getting to see his mother once more, to hold her in his arms, only to watch her die. It fills him with equal parts jealousy and horror, and he wraps his arm more tightly around Barry.

"I'm sure that you did everything you could. She knew that too," Derek says quietly, turning to press a kiss to Barry's forehead, right at his hairline. The mention of time travel barely fazes him now, and he imagines that there would have been major ramifications to altering the past so profoundly. That doesn't mean that Derek wouldn't have been tempted to do so himself, given the chance. "I'm still sorry that you had to go through that."

They sit there in silence for awhile, and while Derek is grateful that they've been able to share so much with each other, he misses seeing a smile on Barry's face. The last thing he wants to do is make light of Barry's pain, or act like what he's saying doesn't matter. Derek holds him for a long time, absently pressing kisses to his hair until his breathing evens out.

"So," he says after what he hopes is a respectable amount of time, smiling gently and reaching out to pick up the stuffed wolf. He lifts it up and taps Barry's cheek with its nose. "Thought of a name for this guy yet? Since he's so special to you and all."

[thescarletspeedster]

Barry closes his eyes, and though he knows it will never stop weighing on him, it feels good to have told someone about that at last. He waits out the lump in his throat, wondering if he's going to cry for the tenderness each time Derek kisses him, but Barry manages to hold it all back. It'd be the third time, after all, that he's lost it in front of Derek, but something about him just makes Barry want to talk.

He laughs when Derek lifts the stuffed wolf, as eager as Derek is to lighten the mood, and grabs for it. "I actually hadn't gotten any further than Wolfy," he admits, holding it up. "But it kind of suits him, right?"

[triskehale]

"It does," Derek says with a laugh, smiling at the wolf. He imagines the wolf sitting there in Barry's apartment, being there for him when he's sad and Derek isn't around. The thought is saccharine enough that Derek blinks and shakes his head a little, wondering all the while what Barry is doing to him. He can't even say that he minds.

Derek dumps the bag of candy out and then takes the champagne bottle out, unwrapping the foil and holding the bottle away from them. He pops the cork, sending it sailing over the side of the cliff, and laughs until he looks down and around. His brow furrows and he very nearly pouts. "I forgot to get cups, so we can't be classy."

He gives Barry sort of a sheepish look. "I was going to toast to a great night."

[thescarletspeedster]

"That's a pretty good cause," Barry admits with a rueful grin. His eyes spark, the only warning there is before he leans in and kisses Derek's cheek again, disappearing in a small whirlwind of leaves. There's barely time to register that he's gone before he's back again, out of breath with a twig in his hair, but with two plastic cups in his hands.

"Now we can do it proper," says Barry with a huge smile. "So long as nothing happened to Wolfy in my absence."

[triskehale]

Derek watches the spark in Barry's eyes with obvious interest, and then laughs when he blinks and Barry's gone. He's back before Derek can even blink again, and the look that he gives Barry is endlessly fond.

"That's a neat trick." He leans in and plucks the twig from Barry's hair, tossing it aside and pushing his hair back into place. He cups Barry's cheek for a moment, tracing a line between a few a of his moles before dropping his hand to take one of the cups from Barry. "We kept each other company. We're pack now."

He smirks and pats the stuffed wolf before pouring champagne into both cups and setting the bottle aside, holding his cup up with a pleased smile. "To a good night. A really good night."

[thescarletspeedster]

Derek has a look on his face that makes Barry's breath catch, and when he touches his cheek, for a moment Barry's sure he's going to kiss him. He doesn't though, and Barry shudders out a sigh, for a moment nothing more than a flustered ball of tangled nerves. He grins, though, unfettered and bright when Derek calls the date a good night. A really good night.

"I'm just really happy you said yes," he admits, tapping his glass against Derek's before he takes a sip. "It's really nice to be with someone who knows all of me. It's...really nice to be out with you in general."

[triskehale]

Derek is nervous, but it's a good sort of nervous. He keeps his eyes on Barry's face, watching as he draws himself up and then shudders. He smells just as nervous as Derek does, but happy too. He smells so happy, and Derek is still in awe of being able to make someone as wonderful as Barry smile like that.

"I'm happy too," he admits. The words feel foreign on his tongue, but it's true. In this moment, he's happier than he's been in a really long time. They sip from their glasses and Derek lets the effervescent drink roll across his tongue, taking in the bright flavor of it. For drugstore champagne that won't give him even the slightest buzz, it isn't half bad.

"It is nice, isn't it? Being able to be yourself around someone," Derek says quietly, staring at Barry. He really is beautiful, and Derek takes it all in; the way his hair flutters in the salty breeze, the way his skin shines almost silver under the moonlight. His eyes are big and warm, and Derek feels so exposed under his gaze. But it's okay. He even likes it.

"I like-- " Derek doesn't even know what he means to say, because he gets distracted by the curve of Barry's smile and he finds himself leaning in, slowly closing the distance between them. "I like you."

He reaches up and puts a hand on Barry's cheek, thumbing at his jaw as he leans in close enough for their noses to brush. Their mouths are so close and Derek waits, just long enough to listen to Barry's hummingbird heart seem to trip over itself and start again double time, before pressing a soft, lingering kiss to his mouth.

[thescarletspeedster]

Barry closes his hand over Derek's wrist, not holding him back but merely holding on, anchoring himself when his heart begins to race, Derek's face so close now that he can feel his breath against his cheek. Derek leans in, and Barry closes his eyes just before their lips meet, overwhelmed with everything he's feeling but so, so happy. It's been so long since anyone touched him like this, his moments with Patty few and fleeting, something stolen and undeserved, but this feels nothing like that.

Barry sighs, his lips parting beneath Derek's own, and holds on tight, allowing himself the small freedom of letting himself enjoy this, enjoy Derek, this kind, gentle man who listens to everything Barry has to say, who accepts him and all he can do, who's brought him out here to one of his favorite spots just to spend more time with him.

Barry makes a little sound, and though the kiss is still a simple one, he clutches at Derek's shirt as if to keep him.

[triskehale]

Derek was expecting the kiss to be chaste and brief, or-- he doesn't know what he was expecting, really. Derek's pulse pounds against Barry's fingertips where they rest against his wrist and his belly tightens in anticipation. When their lips meet it isn't fireworks like everyone says, and that's a good thing. Fireworks are violent bursts of flame that while beautiful, are so incredibly fleeting. This is like something else, something just as exciting but comfortable and warm. This is something that could possibly last.

Barry makes a soft sound and Derek smiles a little into the kiss, finding it impossible to pull away. He does, but it's only to kiss him again at a better angle. He slides his hand up and around to the back of Barry's neck, drawing him in closer. It feels a little like it did to kiss Paige when he was fifteen, when he was young and he was only nervous because this one matters. Barry matters.

Barry's hand rests against Derek's chest and he raises his other hand to hold it there while he deepens the kiss just a little, just enough to suck lightly at Barry's bottom lip before finally pulling away. He stares at Barry for a long moment, eyes bright and happy, before he looks down and laughs .

"Sorry Wolfy," he says in a quiet voice, turning the wolf around before leaning in to press his smile to the corner of Barry's mouth.

[thescarletspeedster]

Barry laughs aloud, feeling giddy, smiling even when Derek's mouth returns to his own. His hand is pressed to Derek's chest, Derek's body beneath his shirt almost unfairly firm and burning like a furnace, and Barry can hardly believe he's allowed this. He's always enjoyed being around Derek, and he's thought about him often when he's out of sight, but to actually be here with him and allowed to touch him is something else.

"You're - " Barry starts but stops, afraid he'll embarrass himself, or worse, make Derek feel objectified, but God, he's really firm. Barry laughs again, soft and disbelieving against Derek's lips, catching them in another kiss soon after. His bottom lip still tingles where Derek's trapped it briefly between his own, and Barry breaks away to rest his forehead against Derek's.

"I really hope you want to do this again," he says. "I like you, too. I mean, that's probably obvious. I like you a lot."

[triskehale]

Derek swallows hard as Barry presses their foreheads together, finding the simple act so tender. He isn't used to being treated like this, and he has to close his eyes and take a breath as he keeps his hands on the sides of Barry's neck, swiping his thumb lightly over his fluttering pulse.

Words seem to come so easily to Barry, and Derek finds it amazing that he can still wear his heart on his sleeve like that after everything that he's been through. Derek was never strong enough for that. He closed himself off and stoked his anger like a fire, feeding off of the flames for years. His throat closes up and for a moment he's worried that his stupid brain won't let him speak, but finally he manages it. A few sarcastic jokes spring to mind like an automatic reflex, but Barry deserves better than that.

"Of course I want to do this again," he tells him honestly, pressing a kiss to one of the moles on Barry's jaw before dragging his lips lightly to another one and kissing that too. "Soon, and hopefully often."

[thescarletspeedster]

"Often," Barry repeats, grinning widely before his eyes close, his eyebrows lifting in surprise for the kisses to his jaw. No one's ever paid much attention to his moles before other than Barry himself, and that was mostly to lament them in the mirror. Now it's as if they're a livewire to the bundle of nerves in his stomach, making his heart leap for every press of Derek's lips.

"I'd really like often," he says, dragging his eyes open. "What's your schedule like? I guess you're working late most nights at Semele's?"

[triskehale]

"We can do often," Derek agrees, smiling as he noses behind Barry's ear. It may be kind of a stereotype, but Derek does have a thing for necks. It's like everything that makes up a person is concentrated into one vulnerable, attractive spot and Derek presses an open-mouthed kiss to Barry's pulse, feeling it practically vibrate against his lips as he inhales the scent of him. It's a bit dizzying, and Derek kisses another cluster of moles before finally tearing himself away and sitting up to look at him.

"I'm never actually on the schedule at Semele's," Derek tells him once he recovers enough to think. "I own it, and I am in there helping out a lot, but I have two assistant managers who keep the place running at night. I do the inventory and the schedule on Monday afternoons, and then really only if I'm bored or they get slammed."

He leans in to give Barry soft little kisses while he thinks, just because he wants to. "And then I have the truck Tuesday and Wednesday afternoons," he says, practically against the corner of Barry's mouth. "And Thursday and Friday nights until about midnight." He grins and kisses the dip just under Barry's bottom lip. "You can come help me eat all the leftover food."

[thescarletspeedster]

Barry means to listen, he does, but Derek keeps leaning in, peppering him with kisses that don't limit themselves to Barry's mouth, and Barry can hardly think. "Tuesday," he says without recalling what Derek does then, shivering as he lifts his chin for another kiss to his jaw. His hand fists in Derek's shirt again, the faintest vibration trembling through his fingertips. "Midnight."

The mention of leftovers cuts through the pleasurable noise in his head somewhat, and Barry blinks, his eyes dark. "Wait, when is food?"

[triskehale]

Derek has his mouth pressed against Barry's pulse, and part of him badly wants to leave his mark there. He wants to suck or bite, but he settles with pressing his tongue against the delicate skin. Then suddenly there's a quick vibration against his chest and he pulls back. It seemed like Barry's fingertips had buzzed, but maybe he was imagining it.

The laugh that spills out of him at Barry's question is helplessly fond, and he thumbs at the corner of Barry's mouth where the skin has gone pink from Derek's beard rubbing against it. It's a good thing he heals fast.

"When I close up the truck," Derek tells him, raising an eyebrow in amusement. "Sometimes I make too much food, and then I eat it all. But I suppose that I could share with you."

[thescarletspeedster]

Barry actually whimpers for the short press of Derek's tongue to his pulse, and when Derek pulls away to speak Barry can't hang onto the words, not even the ones about food. Catching Derek's face in his hands, Barry leans in to kiss him deeply, his tongue sweeping past Derek's lips until he can taste chocolate and the faint, warm taste of Derek beneath.

Barry holds onto him, pulling back to suck down a deep breath. "Sorry," he says, loosening his hold on Derek's cheeks. "I don't mean to be all over you, that was just - you are just - " Barry breaks off. "It's been a long time and you're kind of incredible."

[triskehale]

When Barry makes that noise Derek wishes that he had bit down just a little, just to see what kind of noise that he'd make then. He's warring over whether or not to lean back in, wondering if it would be too much, when Barry grabs his face and pulls him in. This kiss is decidedly deeper and far more passionate than the others they've shared so far, and Derek puts his hands on Barry's waist as he leans into it.

Derek lets out a soft whimper of his own when Barry licks into his mouth, and he blinks owlishly when Barry suddenly pulls away. He wonders if something went wrong, because it was certainly good on Derek's end, but then Barry speaks. Derek is confused for a moment before he grins, cheeks rising under Barry's palms.

He's pretty used to people being all over him. Derek knows what he looks like, and most of the time people see his face or his body and then they just stop looking because that's all they want. But Barry-- he looks at all of him. Barry is so respectful of him, and Derek feels his heart flutter at the kindness.

"You have nothing to be sorry for," Derek assures him, turning his head to nuzzle at the inside of Barry's palm and then bite playfully at the meat of it, just barely applying any pressure before letting go and pressing his cheek into it again. His eyes go a bit wide and awed when Barry calls him incredible, and for a moment he has no idea how to respond to something like that.

This all seems too good to be true and Derek knows, deep down, that Barry is so much more than he deserves, but he can't bring himself to let go of him. All he can do is try his best to be good for Barry too. He smiles at Barry, fond and a little shy, and leans in to kiss him again. He keeps it slow but deep, licking lazily into Barry's mouth and suckling softly at his upper lip before pulling back with another small smile. How long has it been since he's smiled so much in such a short time? "You're pretty great yourself." He almost lets that be the end of it, but he makes himself keep talking. The words come out soft and quiet, almost like a confession. "And-- I like kissing you. I like the way you kiss me. It's really nice. I'm not really used to nice."

[thescarletspeedster]

Barry barely has a moment to process Derek telling him it's alright before he's biting at his palm, surprising another small sound from Barry as he realizes he actually really likes that. And that was only his palm. He's still dealing with the sudden heat low in his belly when Derek pulls him near, kissing him so thoroughly that Barry's sense of time falls away. He feels strange, light but heavy, joyous but weak with the pleasure that sweeps through him with every brush of Derek's tongue.

He blinks when the kiss ends, dazed and smiling faintly. He almost feels drunk for the first time in over a year, but Derek's expression is so earnest that Barry makes a proper effort to listen despite the comfortable heaviness in his limbs, and his smile grows. "That's - " he says, almost disbelieving, "God, Derek, that's just wrong." He knows Derek's been through a lot, and he doesn't belittle Derek's experience by questioning it, but it's actually pretty ridiculous. Who could know Derek and not want to be nice to him? It's unthinkable. "Anyone who isn't nice to you is out of their mind."

[triskehale]

"You're killing me," Derek says with a low growl, laughing a little at the noise Barry let out at that small bite, like he was surprised and intrigued all at once. It makes Derek really, really want to do it again.

He keeps his hands on Barry's waist as he speaks, and Derek smiles softly. It's a nice sentiment, but Derek isn't so sure that it's true. But then again-- he has changed, hasn't he? Derek lifts a hand to run it through Barry's soft hair, thumbing lightly at his forehead. "Maybe you're the one who's out of your mind, but I'm definitely not complaining."

Back home, or even right after he got to Darrow, he would have brushed off Barry's comments and probably even pushed him away. But now, Derek takes a breath and curls his fingers around the curve of Barry's jaw to draw him in closer. Barry is a better person him, of that much he's sure, but maybe Derek isn't so bad that he doesn't deserve to be with him. Maybe he can let himself believe that he can have this, that it's okay. Maybe this can work. He really wants it to work.

"You're sort of amazing," Derek breathes out, kissing Barry again. And then again on his chin, again on that cluster of moles. He wraps his arms around Barry, pulling them in chest to chest, and he gives in to the urge to bite softly at the bolt of his jaw, just a short press of teeth against skin. "And you smell really good."

[thescarletspeedster]

Barry's eyes drift closed, and he's quiet as Derek's large hands manuever him where he likes, drinking in each warm kiss Derek presses to his skin. Derek kisses him in places he's hardly aware of, finding little spots Barry never knew were sensitive, and Barry gasps aloud when he feels teeth at his jaw.

"I - I do?" he stammers, clutching at Derek's shoulders as his body hums, so close to vibrating. "Is that a wolf thing?" Suddenly, he wants to push his nose behind Derek's ear, even if he won't be able to smell him the way Derek can. "What's it like?"