(no subject)

[thescarletspeedster]

Ever since the breach, Barry takes care not to run too fast. The odds of him tearing a rift in time and space are low, but tonight he measures his steps in moderation, never letting them outstrip the frantic pace of his heart.

He reaches the loft in moments with Derek in his arms, who he deposits on the spartan couch and races off again. His fingers fumble with the medkit even in the Speed Force, and Barry tells himself it's with rage, not fear. Fear is for children. Rage is for heroes and vigilantes, and righteousness, too, and Barry is righteously angry.

There'd been no need for Derek to step between Barry and the knife the last perp had thrown. There'd been so little need that Barry didn't even hurry to get out of its path, which is why he'd been so astonished when Derek jumped into it instead. How Oliver's fucking suit had deteriorated so much that it could let a blade through, Barry doesn't know, but when Derek is patched up Barry is taking his suit to the lab and examining every polymer.

He appears with a crackle at Derek's side and strips him to his waist, finally kneeling to press the bandage to the hole in his side. He doesn't look at him.

If he looks at him, he's going to lose it.

Comments

[triskehale]

Barry can take care of himself. There is no part of Derek that doubts that. Barry is strong and capable and brave, and Derek is his partner, not his protector.

Rationally, Derek knows all this. But Barry is also the love of his life. His pack, his mate. It's instinct to protect Barry, and it was pure instinct that made Derek throw himself in front of that knife. There was no reason to do it. Barry would have moved out of the way with plenty of time to spare.

But Derek saw a weapon hurled at the man he loves more than anything in the world, and he acted without thinking. He had punched the man unconscious before realizing that there was a knife in his side. Somehow it cut right through the suit, and Derek reached down to grab the handle even as Barry cried out a warning. He had pulled it right out and blinked at the blood on the blade before sagging into Barry's arms.

The next thing he knows, he's on the sofa in the lair and Barry is leaning over him with his cowl off. His hair is messy and he looks astonishingly, fiercely angry. He looks beautiful like that, but Derek keeps that to himself.

"Ow," he groans out, twitching as Barry presses gauze to the wound. It's already starting to heal from the inside out. Whatever organ got pierced is stitching itself back up. "Hey, I'm gonna be fine. It's just a scratch."

[thescarletspeedster]

"It went in to the hilt," Barry replies, not removing the gauze. "Which you're not supposed to pull on, by the way. Yanking out a blade is the quickest way to die without access to immediate medical attention."

The small speech would probably sound cooler if Barry's voice could just hold steady for three words strung together. "Also jumping into the path of knives. Another great way to get dead."

[triskehale]

"I had to pull it out or I wouldn't have started to heal," Derek reminds him gently, gritting his teeth when Barry presses on the gauze but keeping his mouth shut. He can smell Barry's anxiety, his anger and his fear, and he hates himself for being the cause. But he'll never regret doing whatever he can to keep Barry safe. He would lay down his life for Barry's without blinking an eye.

"I'm not going to get dead," he says, biting the tip of his glove so that he can yank it off and reach out to touch Barry's cheek. "'Tis only a flesh wound," he says, even affecting the accent. "Still mad even through me quoting Monty Python? It must be bad."

Derek is sweaty and pale from pain and blood loss, but he can feel the wound healing already. He always heals faster when Barry is around, and maybe it's a shame that there's enough data to prove it, but it remains true.

"Hey, look at me," he says quietly, brushing his fingers along Barry's cheek. "It's healing. I'll be fine. Maybe do your cat purr thing, huh?"

[thescarletspeedster]

It would serve you right if it hurt for longer is on the tip of Barry's tongue, but he's afraid and angry, not cruel, and he swallows it down.

"No," he says anyway, if only because he's too wired right now to control his powers. He might vibrate gently to heal Derek's wound, or he might stick his hand through him. It's too dangerous just now to try.

"You shouldn't have gotten hurt at all. Did you think I wouldn't see the knife? Time moves in slow motion for me, Derek!" His voice comes out steadier the louder it gets, and Barry leans into it, letting anger burn away the worst of his terror. "I would have dodged it. I would have dodged twenty more just like it!"

[triskehale]

Derek pulls his hand away when Barry starts to raise his voice, mouth flattening into a thin line as he rests his hands on his stomach. Being yelled at is something that he's used to, but not from Barry. He knows that Barry is mostly scared, but yeah, he's mad too. He's really mad, and Derek does his best not to react as Barry gets louder and louder.

"I didn't think at all!" He finally cuts in, shouting to be heard over Barry. "I told you that it was instinct, and if you're wanting an apology for trying to protect you, even if you don't need it, then you're going to be waiting a long time."

Yelling puts strain on his wound and he pushes Barry's hands away to take over holding it closed himself, teeth gritting as he wills himself to heal faster. It's not even really that bad. He's had so much worse than this, but mentioning that to Barry seems like a bad idea so he keeps it to himself. Still, better him than some human that wouldn't heal. The guy is off the streets and they're both okay, and that should be what matters.

[thescarletspeedster]

Derek replaces Barry's hand with his own, and Barry stares down at his still gloved fingers, the bright red of his leather laced through with deeper crimson. "Then maybe we shouldn't patrol together," he hears himself say, feeling strangely detached from himself when he looks up again. His heart is racing and his face feels cool, all of it wrong, but Barry is glad for the protection this detachment offers. His parents are gone forever, everyone else at home nearly as much removed, and now Derek is telling him Barry might lose him to some misplaced need to protect him. He'd rather feel nothing than this.

"I need to be able to trust you to look after yourself. If you can't, that puts us both at risk."

[triskehale]

Derek was prepared for more anger, for more yelling, but he never could have prepared himself for that. The words make him flinch back as if he'd been slapped, and he stares at Barry with an openly hurt expression before the shutters come down and he swallows hard, breathing out through his nose.

"Fine," he replies flatly, still reeling from how fast the suggestion had come. A quiet voice from the darker recesses of Derek's mind suggests that maybe Barry has been wanting this, waiting for the right excuse. He's too hurt to even fight back right now, and besides, Barry said it himself. He doesn't need Derek to protect him.

The wound is still far from healed but at least it's closed up, angry and red but no longer bleeding, so he gently pushes Barry's hands away and sits up, feeling oddly calm as he stares at the floor and starts to unzip the top of his suit.

[thescarletspeedster]

Barry waits until Derek makes it upright before he nods and steps back, his hands trembling in a way that has nothing to do with vibration. He tugs at the neck of his suit more than once before he finally gets it open, forcing his feet towards the bathroom and the small shower stall within.

He thinks the water will be soothing, but as soon as he turns the knob his eyes grow as hot as the steaming air around him. He might have just lost a piece of their relationship, but it's better than losing Derek completely. Barry can't take another loss. If Derek dies, he has nothing, for there's no coming back from a love like this once it's wrested away. The sight of his own face splattered in Derek's blood in the fogging mirror is more than enough to drive that home.

[triskehale]

Derek isn't sure what to make of any of this. Barry's scent is all over the place, anger and fear and anxiety, all overlaid with Derek's blood. He disappears into the bathroom without a word and Derek is left feeling a little stunned, brows furrowed as he gets himself out of his suit.

He wipes himself off and changes back into his street clothes before hanging the suit up, frowning deeply at it. He started all of this as a way to bond even further with Barry, but if he's not going to be out on the streets with the Flash, then he doesn't really need the suit. He can just be Derek.

Barry is still in the bathroom and Derek feels lost, unsure if Barry wants him here or not. A part of him wants to leave anyway, because this shouldn't just be Barry's decision to make. But Barry's the superhero.

He steps into the small bathroom and stares at the blurred shape of Barry through the glass door, sighing heavily as he leans against the frame and crosses his arms over his chest.

"I need you to know that I didn't do it because I thought you were weak or that you couldn't handle it. I did it without thinking at all because you are the most important thing in the world," he says roughly, swallowing hard and pushing away from the wall. "And I'm not as easy to kill as you think I am."

[thescarletspeedster]

With his shoulder against the shower tiles, Barry blinks open his eyes, hoping the still cascading water hides how wet and red they've become. He sighs and shuts off the water, pushing back the glass door to face Derek on the other side.

"I'm not insulted," he says. "I know how much you care about me, and most of the time, I love it. But not if it's the reason you get hurt, Derek. Especially for no reason. Doing dangerous work means being smart, every second of every patrol. And it means trusting me."

Barry swallows. "You know I'm not in a rush to leave you. You need to be as careful not to leave me."

[triskehale]

"Me not being as smart as you doesn't mean that I don't trust you," Derek replies, feeling stung and defensive, but Barry's words drain the fight out of him. His shoulders sag and he grabs a towel, shaking it out before coming over to Barry and wrapping it around his shoulders, using the corner to gently dry his face.

"I'm not going to leave you," Derek tells him. It's not a promise he can make, especially not in Darrow, but Derek has no intention of ever leaving Barry's side. "I will try to be more careful, but sometimes the wolf takes over. I can't always fight instinct, but I promise to try and think things through a little more."

He scrubs the towel through Barry's hair and hooks it around his waist, gripping either side to drag him a bit closer. "If you really want me to take a break from patrolling with you, I'll respect that. But I need you to not be mad at me for wanting to protect you, okay?"

[thescarletspeedster]

"I'm not," Barry answers, and if he was close to losing it before, it's so much harder not to crumple when Derek is so close and whole again, relief pressing at his shoulders until they slump. "I'm not, I swear, but you can't put yourself between me and a knife every time. What if the ground had been uneven and you slipped? What if it hit your heart and not your side? Werewolves aren't immortal, no matter how tough you are. There's no part of me that thinks I'm better or smarter than you, but you don't look after yourself."

The image of a knife protruding from Derek's chest rises, and Barry's resolve folds. He throws his arms around Derek and holds on with every last frantic fear pulsing through him. "Do you not get that?" he asks against the faint strip of skin beneath Derek's collar. "Taking care of yourself is making sure I'm okay."

[triskehale]

When Barry's arms go around him, Derek stumbles a little and hugs Barry in return, pressing his bearded chin against Barry's bare shoulder, skin still pink from the hot shower. The words send a shiver through him and he breathes out shakily, nodding and turning his head to press a kiss to Barry's jaw.

"You're right," he says quietly, swallowing hard and cradling the back of Barry's head as he rocks him gently back and forth. He went so long with having only Laura to care about him, but she was too much like him. They were reckless and wild and running scared for years, and after she was gone, Derek had no one. His life was full of people who would have shoved him on a knife if it would have furthered their cause.

But really it boils down to Derek not valuing his own life as much as he should. In his mind, Barry is more important. Of the two of them, Barry is the one who had to survive. But Barry's words make him realize that he has to alter his way of thinking, because he's starting to come to understand that he can't live without Barry, but maybe Barry can't live without him either.

"You're right," he says again, this time with more conviction, pulling back and putting a hand on Barry's face, stroking gently beneath his puffy eye before leaning in to give him the gentlest of kisses. "I'll be more careful. I'll protect the both of us."

[thescarletspeedster]

Barry can't help the tremors that wrack him as the last of his adrenaline fades, and he lets Derek hold him, pressing eagerly against his warmth. "Thank you," he says, weak kneed all over again to hear Derek say it and mean it. Derek is so used to not mattering, and even though Barry knows that it's still a surprise sometimes to realize just how little he values himself when he's Barry's entire world.

"If I lost you - " Barry draws in a breath. "The breach I made last time would be nothing in comparison. I need you, Derek."

[triskehale]

Barry is shaking all over and Derek holds him more tightly, brow furrowing as guilt courses through him for making Barry feel this way. It's just so hard to combat the way that he thought of himself for so long, but he needs to do better.

"I need you too," Derek says quietly, pressing a kiss to Barry's temple as he slides a hand up and down his back. "I'll do whatever I can to make sure that I don't go anywhere. I'll be more careful. You have my word."

Even with the approaching summer, there's still a chill in the drafty loft. Derek slides his hands down to the backs of Barry's thighs and lifts him up easily, coaxing Barry to wrap his long limbs around him as he walks them through the loft.

"We can stay here tonight," Derek murmurs, carrying him over to the bed that's been pressed back into a corner. The linens are relatively fresh, and Derek lays Barry down onto the bed before unbuckling his belt and shimmying out of his jeans. "Come on, hummingbird. Scoot over. I'll warm you up."

[thescarletspeedster]

Barry barely registers that he's being carried, only that he's much warmer and more comfortable than he'd been moments before. His back hits the sheets, and Barry gives a rueful smile. He's never been one to come down from terror with any grace, and his cheeks pink a little with embarrassment. At Derek's shimmying, Barry sits up.

"Is it healed?" he asks, looking for signs of the wound at Derek's side. The bedding here isn't as nice as theirs at home, and Barry's bony knees poke at the mattress as he crawls over it. "Shit, I should be the one looking after you, not the other way around."

[triskehale]

"Nearly there," Derek replies, pulling his shirt over his head so that he's as naked as Barry, turning towards him and framing the wound with his fingers. The skin is new and shiny pink, and it barely even hurts anymore. Having Barry around really does help him heal faster.

Barry isn't even a wolf, but he's still the strongest pack bond he's ever felt, except for maybe the bond to his parents.

"I like taking care of you," Derek assures him, crawling into bed and pulling Barry down against his uninjured side. "I know how dramatics make you sleepy."

He's teasing, of course, and he turns his head to press a lingering kiss to his cheek. Derek puts a hand on his face, nuzzling under Barry's ear and letting out a quiet growl. "Hey. I love you. You know that, right? I love you, and I never want to leave your side."

[thescarletspeedster]

"I know," says Barry, for he does believe that. It's that deeper truth making it past Derek's penchant for self-sacrifice that has him worried. He turns into Derek and places his hand against the wound. He's more himself now, and he doesn't hesitate to vibrate his palm at the same frequency as a purring cat.

He huffs out a laugh at a sudden, post-adrenaline thought. "Man, I'm glad you heard my heart first. I love 'hummingbird', but if you ever call me kitty I'm out of here."

[triskehale]

That startles a laugh out of Derek and he tosses his head back, chuckling deeply and then looking down to watch Barry’s hand vibrate against his skin. It helps shake away the last of his own adrenaline, and he drops his head to the pillow to gaze up at Barry.

“You were never in danger of that,” he says with a warm smile, reaching out to cup Barry’s cheek. “I’ve never had a pet name for anyone before. I should have known that I was doomed right from the start.”

His smile goes wider and he curls his hand around the back of Barry’s neck to pull him in for a soft kiss, nudging their noses together and nuzzling at his cheek.

[thescarletspeedster]

Barry sighs contentedly into the kiss. It's crazy how warm and safe he can feel curled up with Derek, when not only a half hour ago he'd been convinced he was going to lose him. That's all gone now, apart from one thing.

"Don't take this the wrong way," he says, burying his face in Derek's stubbled throat. He breathes in, laughs, and then takes the tiniest lick to be sure. "But you still smell and taste like suit."

Barry props up on one elbow. "Shower time? I'll make it worth your while."

[triskehale]

“Oh, your angry defiant shower wasn’t enough for you?” Derek teases fondly, sliding his hand up Barry’s flank. “You want another?”

Derek does feel a little sweaty and ripe, and there’s no way he cleaned all the blood from his torso, so a shower isn’t a terrible idea. He sits up and looks down at Barry, eyes trailing over his face and along the gorgeous line of his lean body.

“Washing me is a two person job, you think?” He asks, standing up and reaching for Barry’s hand. “Then I guess we better get started.”

[thescarletspeedster]

Barry had felt more despairing and sulky in his shower than angry and defiant, but hell, that sounds so much better so he'll take it. He accepts Derek's hand and stands, careful to take most of his own weight.

"Muscles," he says, waving a hand over Derek's torso. "It's not my fault you have a lot of real estate, but it will be my privilege to help."

[triskehale]

"Noble of you," Derek teases, reeling Barry in to kiss the tip of his nose, nudging it with his own before pulling back and taking his hand. He leads them back into the restroom and undresses, kicking his clothes into the corner of the small room and pulling back the shower curtain. The space is still damp and steamy from Barry's earlier shower, and he lets out a pleased sigh as he steps under the warm spray. He scrubs the drying blood from his side, letting it wash away before turning to Barry to show that he's completely healed.

"Come here," he says, holding his hand out to beckon Barry closer. He's struck by the urge to simply hold Barry, have him close after such a fight. He's just thankful that it didn't last very long.

[thescarletspeedster]

Barry is nearly twitching with impatience by the time Derek steps into the shower. The water is sluicing down Derek's perfect, smooth, warm skin in a wa that's impossible to resist, and he hurries in after Derek, reaching down to brush his fingers over the place where the wound was only a half hour ago.

Derek pulls him in, and Barry goes, pressing his nose into the crook of Derek's throat. He closes his eyes and groans. "Sorry I yelled at you. Did I yell?" He pulls back an inch. "It kind of felt like crying."

[triskehale]

"You yelled," Derek says fondly, wrapping his arms tightly around Barry's slight frame and holding him close as the water beats down against his back. "But it's okay," he adds, turning his head to press a kiss to Barry's temple. "I probably deserved it, and you were scared."

Barry pulls back a little, and Derek uses the room to cup Barry's face in his palms, thumbing at his cheekbones and bringing him in for another soft kiss. "I didn't mean to scare you. I just want you to be safe, and happy. I want so badly to make you happy."

Derek knows that there are times when he isn't the perfect boyfriend. He can be sullen and moody, sometimes prone to anger or avoidance. He's gotten so much better over the years, and especially so with Barry. He makes Derek want to be the best possible version of himself, and gives him a reason to finally try and heal the wounds he let fester inside of him for so long. "You're my family. The whole thing. It's you."

[thescarletspeedster]

Barry would like to be pleased that he'd managed to yell after all, maybe even be a little intimidating, but that's never how he wants to make Derek feel. Not even when he thinks he's justified at the time. The whole idea of it makes him ill, but Derek's hands are large and soothing against his cheeks, and Barry opens his eyes to look at him.

"And Puff," he says, but his voice still wobbles despite his attempts at humor. Barry wraps his hands around Derek's wrists and holds on. "You're mine, too. It's just us." They had amazing families, but they're gone, and there's only one thing that keeps Barry going.

And he's standing right in front of him. "I love you."

[triskehale]

"And Puff," Derek confirms with a soft huff of laughter. "And Jinx. And even Elvis, even if he is a bitey little fucker."

Bitty's cat is still adjusting to life in the cabin, with a werewolf at that, but Derek knows he couldn't have let it go to the shelter. He would take care of the damn cat for the rest of its life in Bitty's stead.

"I love you too." Derek's expression, already hopelessly fond, softens even further at the words. He will never get tired of hearing them, not even if he's lucky enough to grow old with Barry at his side. He kisses him again, soft and lingering, and then playfully nudges him aside to grab the shampoo.

"Now get out of the way so I can clean up," he says with a smirk. "You know how fast this water gets cold."

[thescarletspeedster]

"We need a lair upgrade," says Barry, but he steps back far enough to let Derek reach the shampoo. Not one to be idle, Barry takes up the sponge and squirts a good amount of bathing gel into it. It foams up fast, and Barry drags it down the long line of Derek's back.

It lasts only moments before the sight of suds blooming over Derek's skin is too much to waste a sponge on, and Barry lets it fall, using his own fingers to drag the soap down every corded muscle of Derek's back. "It's just...really dirty back here," he says.

[triskehale]

When the sponge gives way to Barry's fingers, Derek is glad for it. He loves those hands and the way that they feel against his skin, and he snorts at Barry's reasoning. As if Barry would ever need an excuse to touch him.

"The lair I got you isn't good enough? Spoiled," Derek teases, rinsing the soap out of his hair and turning around so that Barry's hands rest against his chest. He reaches up to curl his hands around Barry's wrists, keeping his hands in place. "You ready to take this to bed, hummingbird? You seem a little like you might have plans for me."

[thescarletspeedster]

Barry drags his eyes away from the water following every hard rise and tiny valley of Derek's abdomen and nods. In an instant they're out of the shower and Barry's hands are buried in the towel working its way through Derek's hair. When Barry deems it just good enough he moves again, soon blinking down at Derek in the comforting warmth of their bed.

"Water pressure upgrade then," he murmurs, pushing his knee between Derek's. Barry's eyebrows lift. "Soundproofing?" He grins. "Couldn't hurt."

[triskehale]

Derek lets Barry take over, speeding them through the loft until he finds himself pressed back against the sheets with Barry looming over him. It's not at all a bad place to be, and Derek stretches out as he lets his thighs fall open, making room for Barry between them.

"We own the building," Derek reminds him, letting out a content growl as Barry's knee shifts between his legs. It feels good to be underneath Barry like this, belly up and wholly trusting. Derek's irises flash red and he tips his head back to expose his throat like an offering. "Be as loud as you want."

[thescarletspeedster]

Barry's grin goes lopsided and just a little bit coy. "I was hoping you would be," he says, dipping his nose to drag it up the column of Derek's throat. His stubble is thick and hard to miss, but Barry finds each tender strip of bare skin, pressing a kiss to each before pulling back again.

His own skin is rapidly flushing hot, and Barry shivers in the comparatively cold air of the room, licking his lips as he looks down at Derek. Almost of its own accord, his knee vibrates in short, insistent little pulses, nudged up tight against the place where Derek's inner thighs meet.

[triskehale]

"You have to give me a reason to be loud." He's teasing, but his easy tone is cut short as Barry's knee vibrates between his legs. He lets out a short whine, feeling arousal spark low in his belly as he slides his hands up Barry's sides.

His eyes flash again as he stares up Barry, who cares enough about him to yell and cry at the thought of him in danger. He lifts his head for a kiss, this time licking into Barry's mouth with a quiet, needy growl.

It seems inevitable that they would end up here, falling into each other's arms after such a rush of adrenaline. Derek feels a surge of affection for the man in his arms and pulls him closer, arching up against him as he bites softly at his chin.

[thescarletspeedster]

The whimper that escapes Barry's mouth isn't nearly as manly as he'd like, but this is what Derek reduces him to, a trembling, vibrating mass of need. "Is there still oil in the bedside table?" he asks, hips beginning to roll against the flat plane of Derek's body beneath him.

"Please tell me I don't have to make a run with - " Barry looks down at his own cock, already more than half hard and growing harder every second. "This."

[triskehale]

"Of course there is," he breathes out, chuckling softly as he stretches his arm out towards the small table next to the bed. "I think ahead."

His gaze dances across Barry's pale skin, going from mole to mole as he slides his hand down Barry's stomach, feeling the muscles tense against his fingers before he takes hold of his cock in a loose grip, stroking almost lazily as he traces the curve of Barry's jaw with his tongue. He draws his knees up, planting his heels into the bed as he lets his thighs fall open deliberately. It feels right to offer himself up after the night they had, to show Barry that he's still whole.

[thescarletspeedster]

"Thank God," Barry exhales, staring in wonder down at Derek beneath him. The pads of Derek's fingers trail over his skin, and though Barry knows where his hand is going, where he hopes it's going, he still sighs in relief when those fingers wrap around his cock.

He doesn't want to dislodge Derek for a moment, and the half second he spends in the speed force to slick his own fingertips is nearly agony, but then he's back and looking down at Derek's gorgeous, open body. "You're so beautiful," Barry murmurs, forgetting his urgency to steal a deep, lingering kiss. "Look at you."

[triskehale]

As a kid, Derek blushed at everything. He had started to grow out of it as a teenager, and the fire shut it down completely. Barry can bring it out in him sometimes, like now. Derek is no stranger to being complimented on his looks, but Barry is the only one who has ever done it with such reverence. Derek can’t help the way that his cheeks flush, and he tips his chin down a little to try and hide it.

He’s grateful when Barry kisses him, and Derek sinks his fingers into Barry’s damp hair as he licks into his mouth. His other arm fumbles for a pillow and he shoves it under his hips, curling one leg lazily around Barry’s thighs to draw him in closer.

“I love you,” Derek says again, breathing the words against Barry’s mouth because he’s feeling a little tender, a little split open, a little like putty in Barry’s hands. “I love you and I need you. Always.”